Unity
By Tim Billiter
I used to play in a gay men's volleyball league for several years. It was a fairly enjoyable experience, but it had its downfalls. The league was plagued by many of the same problems faced by humankind in general. There were personality conflicts, jealousy, attitudes, arrogance, "back stabbing", etc. It just seemed so normal; I didn't give it a second thought. I participated despite all of the dysfunction. Then, in 1994, I had and experience which changed my point of view.
About this time, friends of mine in the league were getting a team together for the upcoming Gay Games IV and they asked me if I wanted to participate. This was very flattering to me and I was more than thrilled to take them up on their offer. In hindsight, I am very glad I did.
I can honestly say that the 1994 Gay Games were one of the greatest events of my life. Besides the fact that it did wondrous things for my self-image, by helping me to release much of my own residual internal homophobia, it also gave me a chance to encounter what life could be like without political boundaries. It was a week where I saw people from every corner of the earth come together for the purpose of a unifying cause. Yes we were different, yes we were competing as athletes, but for that week we were one in the same. It was truly a life changing experience for me.
I went back to the world of my volleyball league and suddenly realized I didn't want to participate anymore. I had had a taste of life without pettiness, and I found myself miserable in these familiar surroundings. I managed to play that season, but quit there after and haven't played in the league since.
It was not until recently that it occurred to me that this small example held the key to my entire existence. As of late, I have been honestly looking at the world and my place in it. I have learned to live in a world where differences are considered threatening. I recently heard a line in a television show that suggested if one was to view the world from outer space; the one thing you would never see was boundaries. This is because they are only in our minds.
I realize as I write this that there will be those who will reject all of my thoughts and beliefs because of my sexuality. These are precisely some of the very boundaries of which I am speaking and this is just one example. I have to ask myself why I see everyone as separate from myself. Why do I choose to live in a world of petty differences even after I have had the privilege of experiencing life from a different point of view?
This is a call to me and to the world to wake up. We are killing each other because we don't agree. Why does someone have to be wrong for us to be right? People have existed on this earth in different places and with different ways of living for the entire history of man and they will continue to do so. If only one point of view is correct, how has the human race survived this long?
Today I understand that the world will never heal until we begin seeing ourselves as one. Our family is not restricted to bloodlines. Things that I would never find acceptable in relation to my immediate family, I choose to ignore when it comes to others. This has to stop. I cannot change what another does, but I can change my attitudes. Hopefully by doing so, I will affect the whole.
Copyright 2003 T A Billiter
You can contact Tim at: (Tim.Billiter@frx.com)"All [we are] trying to do is tell America we are not mascots.Now, where is my damn Braves jersey at? Go Braves!!!
We are people of dignity, we are people of character,
we are people of pride."
Billy Mills (Oglala Lakota Sioux), Olympic gold medalist, author, mentor, youth teacher,
speaking about the use of Native-American characterizations as sports team mascots
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
- Robert Frost
Has it hit you yet? The realization that your kid is talking (or crying, or screaming...whatever) to you, and while you hear them, you still kinda tune them out...that kinda concerns me that i wonder if I have gotten to the point where it takes my kids several times saying something in order for me to answer. There is so much noise at home. Pandalerium, I tell ya... constant noise, and toys, food, trash...everywhere. sigh...
You go to a stock car race and don't need a program....
