Disappointment

When I see in blogs and on Facebook friends proudly showing pix and talking about accomplishments, I always think about how proud they must be of their kids, as they should be. All of us with little ones have been blessed and I totally understand trumpeting how you feel about your son/daughter. I ponder that sorta stuff now as I am faced with mild disappointment in my son as he talked in class today and as a consequence will have to face punishment. He was warned before and he repeated his talking today. I understand that it's typical and he aint the only one talking in class. But its all apart of the process and I at times feel like the ole saying of "this s going to hurt me more than it will hurt you" thing as I hate to have to teach this sorta stuff now. While I do NOT want to go back 4 or 5 years but I sometimes think back to when it was far simpler dealing with our twins. Seeing the mixture of sadness, confusion and anger on my sons' face gives me pause. And it truly makes me sad as I know all too well that these are only the beginning of hard lessons that have to be taught and learned that dont taste too well.

I have struggled with the thought that somehow I may not be doing good enough a job with my son. As I have said before, I do see a lot of myself in his actions at times. And I wonder if he will develop the same sorta way of harnessing emotions and thought as I feel I did. Something tells me he won't and that he will "wear his emotions on his sleeve" and it will be his sister who plays it close to the vest with her emotions. Because I enjoy seeing his obvious excitement in talking to people, in trying to interact with everyone, and it kinda saddens me to see that that exuberance gets him into trouble and rubs people and other kids the wrong way at times. And to see the realization on his face that he had disappointed his mother and that he was in serious trouble really saddened me. He was still sad when I talked to him in bed a while ago.

I dont know. I guess I just wish I could still be pulling them around in a red wagon instead of having to do this type of stuff...

P.S. did I mention sitting at dinner table with Ryles after I-Man had been sent off to bed early?... listening to her quietly throw into the conversation that she had never been any color other than "green" (they use some sorta color system in class in regards to behavior, etc.) since shes been in school. It was SO transparent that she was trying to quietly build herself up between bites of her hotdog..." you know, Daddy... I have never been any color other than green...Ever..." Me..."really?...wow...I didn't know that"... Ryles..."Yeah...i have always been green." Me, thinking to myself "What do you want? a cookie...THAT's what you are supposed to do"